Today was a surprising day. I had difficulty getting up this morning after being sick for 2 days. Somehow my memory has taken a back seat to everything else. I am not sure how things started the way the did, but I do remember how they ended up.

Kelly and I decided we needed to go shopping at 3am. He works nights so it is easy for him to be up then. Me on the other hand, its hard for me to be up any time. I am usually tired all the time since I sleep in 3-4 hour increments. That, I suppose, is why my memory has slumped over the past 2 years. So the shopping trip was nothing different than going in the day time, just fewer shoppers.

At Walmart, we stroll down the clearance aisle hoping to find something we could use, but we came up empty. So we strolled down a couple of other aisles just talking and trying to decide if we should buy certain items. As we were walking and talking, Kelly stops me, looks in my eyes and tells me "I love you. You are my best friend and I am thankful every day that I married you." I was shocked and I felt my heart burst with love for my wonderful husband and tears begin to well up in my eyes. Hearing the one you love say wonderful things to you is something to cherish and remember for the rest of your life. Feeling like I was floating, I started walking again when I realized where we were at. Turning to my dear Husband I said "What do you want?" See, we were standing in the electronics section. I now knew why Kelly was being so wonderful.

It's not that my husband doesn't love me. He really did mean all those things he said. But he has an addiction to bigger, better electronics. Things he thinks are more up to date than what we already have. Granted, the item he wanted was something he needed, so it was worth it.

My memory is good enough that I will remember the things he said. But sadly, its not good enough to remember why he said them. Is that a good thing?

Just My Imagination

When I was a little girl, my siblings and I used to wander through the woods. We would roll down hills that were covered in ferns and so much greenery that it felt as though green was the only color that existed. Playing outside was the most exciting time for us. We had nature and each other to entertain ourselves.

One of the games we used to play was the lava monster. There were barrels out by the chicken coop and we put boards down to cross between them so we couldn't touch the ground. The game was about staying away from the lava or the monster would get you. We would play until the sun started falling from the sky or until Mom called us for dinner. She would ask how our day was and with our imaginations running wild we would tell her of the monster in the back yard. Mom was good for laughing and letting our imaginations be free.

As children we trust our parents to know whats best. But I feel like as parents, we have fallen short of the task. Our need to have more has taken away our innermost child. As we grow up and become adults we often forget what fun children can have if we just guide them to use your God given imaginations. Parents, or even Aunts and Uncles work so much that they don't have time to spend with the ones who hold our future.

I am a firm believer that if you have children in your lives you need to help them improve their minds. Help them use their imaginations. From imagination come dreams. When we dream, we have hope. Hope then brings us love and understanding and the desire for a better future. Can you imagine if every child was allowed to dream? Our world would change. People would start creating a better future all because they dreamed; all because they used their imaginations.

Life and Love

Some days I don't even feel like getting out of bed. I am warm under my blanket and it's still dark, thanks to my wonderful curtains. Once I do drag myself out of bed, I trudge my way to the bathroom, wash my face, and brush my teeth. Then I make my way to the kitchen and either make a pot of coffee or grab a glass of water. I then check my glucose count and take my vitamins. This drudgery goes on every day, even weekends. I don't have an outside job due to my worsening anxiety and I rarely go anywhere other than walking my dog Moo. It's beginning to put a damper on my relationships.

My relationship with my husband has seen its ups and its downs, just like any marriage. We have been married for 12 years now and I love my husband more today than I did back then. We have grown a great deal over those years and we are better for it. With my anxiety problem my husband has adjusted and let me just say, he is a blessing when it comes to the hard stuff. He doesn't let me get away with stuff, nor does he let me hibernate in the house. He pushes me to walk Moo and visit my sister. I am walking Moo more but I still need to work on the driving to my sisters house.

What all this boils down to is, my husband loves me no matter what I do or how depressed I get. Sure we still have our fights, but when it comes down to it, he helps me when things are rough. We are not short on troubles but even in those times we know that as long as we stick together, we will survive.

Willow Tree

The year 2006 was the time in my life I learned about myself. I figured out I was not the weak girl everyone, including myself,  thought I was. I wasn't as strong as an oak tree...I was more like a weeping willow. I could move freely in the wind, bending this way and that way, all the while staying intact. Someday I hope to figure out I am actually an oak.  I finally learned that year, that no matter what I went through, I would survive.

So, when you feel like your life is falling apart, think about all the other times trouble invaded your life.  Did you survive? Learn about yourself and decide what you are...an oak tree or maybe a willow.

Moving Again

I didn't realize that life could be so full of boxes. I have learned that with moving all the time it was cost effective to buy some plastic bins to pack items into instead of using cardboard. Now there is a bin for almost everything. My book collection, dishes, crafting supplies, photos, clothes and electronic items and accessories all have their own permanent bin. Yes, we have to store the empty bins. It is worth it because now my moving can be more organized. And for those of you who know me...you know I am NOT organized.

We are trying to move to a bigger place. I need a place that I can write, without the sound of a television or loud voices. So we need a third bedroom. With a bigger place comes a bigger rent. Hopefully, I will be able to start refining my writing skill and be able to actually find a magazine to write articles for. I still work on my stories, perhaps one of those will be a hit. One of these days I will finish my novel. But I need income.

I choose to try writing articles because of my anxiety problem. Going outside is less appealing with every day. Being in close proximity to others is even worse. Nothing against other people, but I do tend to panic.

Sleep calls to me.

Haunted by Memories

I didn't realize that shopping for a dishwasher would lead my brain down memory lane. I spend an hour searching for something low cost but efficient and end up spending two hours thinking about my childhood and washing dishes in our yellow kitchen. Or maybe it was the dinning room that had yellow wallpaper with white flowers.

That wallpaper is gone now. The white flowers turned black and then vanished when my parents home burst into flames. I wasn't there for my parents when it happened and even to this day I feel guilty about that. My Mom burnt her hands trying to save her prized birds. My little Sister made it out but was devastated when she realized her cat flower didn't make it. My younger brother Dan ended up breaking his fist because he was so upset about the fire he punched the car. Most of the things in the back yard was destroyed. Mom had 2 cocker spaniels in the back yard that never made it.

I think about the lost pets in my parents house fire and I feel sick. And sadly, its not about losing those pets, it's about the thought of losing my dog Moo. She is my baby. A lot of people don't realize that for someone who was not blessed with a child and who has so much love to give, a pet becomes a part of your family. Moo isn't just a dog to me. She is my baby.